Being a bad friend, Turkish style

Today I experienced two culture clashes that were so strange and uncomfortable when I first arrived to Turkey. Usually these clashes are revolving around a tendency of Turks to be very blunt. For the most part, I am generally able to gracefully take what my friends dish. Today, however, due to my responses in each of the following situations, I realized that I should probably deal with the question of culture clashes and how I will respond to them.

I would like to preface the first situation by saying that to Americans, it is very strange to comment on a negative aspect of a friend's appearance. I have had many conversations about this with my Turkish friends and coworkers. In Turkey, however, it is very normal. "Laura, how many kilos are you?...Don't you wash your face everyday?...Your friend is ugly...You got fat...What's that thing on your face? Is it a zit?..." I could go on and on, but the last example is what I would like to focus on today.

I have a zit. And its big. In America, I would worry about people seeing it, but never commenting on it. Today, however, there were three conversations that went somewhat like this: "Laura what's that thing on your face?" (Blank stare from me.) "Is it a zit? Did you pick it?" (More blank stare.) "You shouldn't pick them. It makes them bigger." (Blank stare accompanied by a scowl.) After the last conversation, I walked away fuming. Does no one in this country ever get zits? Why does it seem they always comment on mine?

A little while later, it was my friend's 27th birthday. She's a girl full of life and energy; someone who I really, truly enjoy being around. We had cake and some food and we were sitting around chatting. "Maybe I'll get married this year," my friend said. "Ah, what do you need that for?" I asked. "I'm 27! I'm getting old!" she replied. I shrugged my shoulders. "Evde kaldin." I said. This pretty much means, "Well, you're the girl whose still at home with her parents, who will continue living with her parents because you're too old to find someone now." I have always found this expression heartless and cruel, especially for the person to whom it is directed. Even if said in the right situation and everyone laughs, its still downright mean. And today I found myself saying it. My friend said, "Yea, I guess you're right." Then I spent the next few minutes feeling horrible and wishing I hadn't said it. (If you're reading this, accept this as another apology.) :)

Thinking about these instances, I've realized that my reactions to the two situations were 1) being so offended about my zit and pissed off at the culture that I had to retreat to my office; and 2) taking advantage of the culture, saying what I think, at the risk of one of my best friends. Sad, right?!? I definitely still haven't found a balance of being okay with bluntness directed towards me, while still being sensitive myself. Hopefully soon I will find such a balance.